This sucks balls.

I'm back from my weekend at Smith rock, and I'm sorer then hell. I never notice how worn I am until I get home and am able to relax.
Rundown on this weekend including highlights:
I went out to Smith rock this weekend, for a fun filled few days climbing all that nature had to offer. And by that I mean I watched some awesome rock climbers send multitudes of problems. I myself tried but a few that were on the easier side, and only finished one.
It was my first time top roping, and also my first time climbing outside. I'm keen on the top roping, mostly because of my own laziness, and my desire for rest sessions in the middle of my climb. I'm not so keen on outdoor climbing, just because I feel more like I'm going to pull a rock from the wall and fall to my death upon sharp and pointy hillside.(An irrational fear I might add, as I am securely anchored to my belay-er and wouldn't fall. Unless the plummeting rock fell onto my belay-er. In which case I would probably fall.)(That's a very unlikely scenario.) and I did like it because I could decide what the start was, where I put my hands... There were way more options and it took some extra brain power. I can see what Jeff's excited about in it, it's definitely a different experience from climbing on plastic.
John was an amazing rock monster out there. Roaring and scrambling his way to the top of many a climb, I was really impressed with him this weekend. I did a little bit of white knuckling when he led a climb, but I was obviously scared for nothing, because I know he's a fantastic climber. It's nice to watch him get so into the problems, working them out, powering his way up them, just generally being an athletic beast. And then on the other hand, I was the one rubbing his sore back, and kissing his torn palms. It's nice to see anyone from two angles like that, especially the one you love. And don't even get me started on his job as moral supporter. That guy makes me stick with it like nobody else. It's just that I like it when he says he's proud of me. :P
So there was 3 other kids on the trip, Jackson, John, and Andrew; and two teachers, Jeff and Jordia (Also newlyweds, just FYI.) Later on John's parents showed up, which I liked because they're the ones that helped me get started climbing in the first place.
So there was lots of climbing, camping, and laughing. John and I slept in the same tent, (Thank god for small favors, because it would have been freezing in a tent all by myself.) and we zipped our sleeping bags together so we could have one big one and huddle together for warmth. (No, there was no frisky stuff, gimmie some credit.) Although I can tell that John really has me around his finger, I even like when he wakes me up in the middle of the night. At least he does it with little kisses. Tee hee. I'm torn about sleeping in my own bed tonight, because on the one hand, it's going to be very comfortable, and on the other, I will have to sleep without him.

In other news:
I take my PSAT on Wednesday
I'm getting "Excellent"s in all my classes as of midterms
My room is super clean and smells like fresh laundry
Both my knees have little round bruises all over them
I sunburned my cheeks just a little, so I look like I'm always blushing
I have a bug bite on my butt (How did a bug even GET there?)
My cleavage showed a little in my school picture, so they airbrushed it out
(Which is too bad, it was probably a nice boob shot)
I'm supposed to be knitting scarves for the homeless (I've already done two...) but all I want to do now is abandon my current homeless scarf and start one for myself
I'm reading The Plague by Albert Camus
I still have to unpack, and all I feel like doing is sleeping...

Yesterday was the all school field trip. We went up to Vancouver and we played in some river/lake thing. I went swimming in my underwear in front of a whole bunch of people. John and I were wearing underwear, but Louie, Shelby and Jake were all naked. And they froze their asses off. Sometimes having a layer of body fat is awesome. I realized that I like knowing who I'm going to sit next to on a school bus. Because I've never really had a best friend, but now I have John. We cuddled in the bus seat and shared earphones. We sang along to our favorite songs and snuggled. Everyone else on the mother fucking bus was so fucking loud and obnoxious though. It was not so fun. But yeah, and I finished knitting a scarf, and I ate hamburgers, and wandered around, dodging cow pies. I talked to teachers and played with a blind dog. But mostly I spent time with John and Marjorie and Shelby. And everybody else in that group. Whoof.
I finished reading Dark Tower 5, and I just started reading Mr. Wilson's Cabinet of Wonders. I spend a lot of time reading lately. Oh and I have to read the next section of Genesis this weekend, for homework.
I don't see very much of my parents these days. My mom hasn't really been interested in family time, and Dad is too busy. It's annoying, but I can't cut their throats for not paying enough attention to me. I just get jealous, and lonely sometimes.

Also, I changed my schedule, so here's what classes I actually have.

Monday
9-10 - Marine Biology
10-11 - BREAK
11-12 - Algebra II
12-1 - Philosophical Literature
1-2 - Art History
2-3 - Ceramics

Tuesday
8-9 - Newspaper and Tea
9-10 - BREAK
10-11 - Community Meeting
11-12 - Drawing And Painting
12-1 - BREAK
1-2 - Humanities The Bible

Wednesday
9-10 - Marine Biology
10-11 - BREAK
11-12 - Algebra II
12-1 - Philosophical Literature
1-2 - Art History
2-3 - Ceramics

Thursday
8-9 - Newspaper and Tea
9-10 - BREAK
10-11 - Community Brunch (Optional. I just go to Beulah.)
11-12 - Drawing And Painting
12-1 - BREAK
1-2 - Humanities The Bible

Friday
9-10 - Marine Biology
10-11 - BREAK
11-12 - Algebra II
12-1 - Philosophical Literature

First day of school today. It was an experience. I'm pretty happy with everything, and people are nice. The school is small enough that people know who I am and things, know my name.

Here's my schedule as of this moment:

Monday:
9-10am - Algebra II
10-11am - Advanced Human Sociobiology (Probably becoming World of Water)
11-12pm - BREAK
12-1pm - Philosophical Literature
1-2pm - Art History: 8 artists and you (Possibly becoming Spanish II)
2-3pm - Hand Built Ceramics

Tuesday:
9-10am - Newspaper and Tea
10-11am - SCHOOL MEETING
11-12pm - Drawing and Painting
12-2pm - BREAK
2-4pm - Rock Climbing Team

Wednesday:
9-10am - Algebra II
10-11am - Advanced Human Sociobiology (See Above)
11-12pm - BREAK
12-1pm - Philosophical Literature
1-2pm - Art History: 8 artists and you (See Above)
2-3pm - Hand Built Ceramics

Thursday:
9-10am - Newspaper and Tea
10-11am - SCHOOL MEETING
11-12pm - Drawing and Painting

Friday:
9-10am - Algebra II
10-11am - Advanced Human Sociobiology (See Above)
11-12pm - BREAK
12-1pm - Philosophical Literature
1-2pm - (Possibly Spanish II)
2-4pm - Rock Climbing Team


-Advanced Human Sociobiology-
A very very advanced class with lots of homework, that talks and debates on how human evolution has effected our society, and our society's problems.
-Algebra II-
Self explanatory
-Art history: Eight Artists and You-
Watching a television program about 8 artists including: Piccasso, van Gogh, Monet, and others that I don't remember. Then you adopt the medium and style, and do it yourself.
-Drawing and Painting-
What it sounds like. We learn various techniques, and we draw and paint whatever we want.
-Hand Built Ceramics-
Sculptures and functional ceramics. (Hand built because we don't have a wheel.)
-Newspaper and Tea-
We drink tea and read newspapers, then discuss what we read and sometimes write essays on it.
-Philosophical Literature-
Discussing philosophy in reference to books we read. Like philosophy lectures only using books as textual reference. I don't remember what books we're going to read.
-Rock Climbing Team-
We go to Portland Rock Gym and rock climb. Some outdoor climbing too.
-Spanish II-
Also self explanatory.
-World of Water-
About how water is going to be the next precious commodity, and how America recycles it's water (or doesn't) as opposed to other countries.

"Today I hope that my collection agents take a break from tirelessly trying to track me down, and I hope someone touches them on the elbow and says, "God you have lovely eyes." I hope they come home tonight and they don't even get in the door before someone is ripping their clothes off and fucking them crazy. I hope they fall asleep exhausted and empty and full of senseless optimism for the future. I hope this for you, too. I hope that you are out shopping and, without knowing why, you have to run to the bathroom and touch yourself. I hope that you finish with your brow sweaty and you are short of breath and I hope you are embarrassed but strangely proud of yourself. "

In case you don't read 'A Softer World'
I wanted to share this with you.

So I got back from Seattle day before yesterday. It was a really good trip... I spent time with John and his family, and lots of time with his little sister, Olivia. She's such a sweet little girl, it was really nice.

Yesterday I found a good pair of boots, and I'm going to pick them up on Friday. I looked all over for a good pair of boots, so I'm glad I finally found a pair.

Other then that, not much has changed lately...

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!



Just helping you get your daily dose of Cthulhu...

Today John drew on my back. It was us roasting marshmallows over a lake of fire.

JOKES FOR NERDS!!

So... I'm going to Seattle this weekend. Should be nice to see my grandpa, and everything. I wish John was going with me though. But then I guess I wish that John was always with me, which maybe sounds a little clingy. But I can't help that JohnShaw is awesome. Sorry, anyway. So I'm going to Seattle this weekend... Woooo! I'll need to bring my knitting and lots of books. John gave me this book, An American Century. So maybe I'll read that. Oh shit I have library books to return. Better return those bitches before they rack me up with more fines... Hmm I wonder if Dad will let me borrow his laptop... That would be awesome.

Haven't done any art in a long time. But I did knit myself a hat. Two actually. I like them a lot.

I had another Amy Fitzpatick dream just a minute ago.
This time I was in a mall, and she came over to me with Dylan, laughing and being catty, pretending to want to whisper something in my ear, and before I knew it, she bit my shoulder. So I turned my head, sank my incisors into her cheek, and brutally ripped it out. She didn't scream or run, we just sat there, talking coyly, both bleeding, her worse than I. Then she grabbed my wrist, but I twisted my arm on her, dislocating her shoulder. This time she fell to the floor, and I calmly got up (I was sitting Indian style on the floor.) and walked over to where Maria had been watching. She was upset, telling me I could get arrested, but "It was aggravated assault." "Well yeah except you ripped her apart, and she barely scratched you." "Yeah, but it hurts like a bitch. I wonder if the Cinnabon guy would give me a bag of ice..."

Sometimes I wish I could take a picture of myself, when I'm looking pretty and no body is around. It's like I wish that every picture ever taken of me was a good one, and that no body would ever see my unattractiveness. I'd like to walk around with a pretty picture of myself taped over my face, so that that one image was what they would think of, if they were thinking of me.
It's not really life though...
And it's kind of vain, besides.

1. Learn to write “I’m Fancy” in three new languages. 6/29
2. Attend the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
3. Buy a pizza in the morning and eat it.
4. Build a cave.
5. Chalk a public sidewalk
6. Color someone’s hair an amazing color.
7. Collaborate on an art project.
8. Collaborate on a photo collage.
9. Cover bodies with fake tattoos. 6/28
10. Have a baking party.
11. Dress as Harry Potter characters and hand out Hogwarts invitations in public.
12. Dress as zombies and have a picnic in a public park.
13. Eat Chinese food out of the carton. 6/16
14. Fly a kite.
15. Find an abandoned building and spend time inside it
16. Go to Denny's at 2AM.
17. Get a henna tattoo.
18. Go to a post secret meeting.
19. Go out for sushi.
20. Go to the zoo.
21. Go to the beach for sunrise.
22. Have a picnic on a roof.
23. Have a stencil party art day.
24. Host a Harry Potter book party.
25. Have a tea party Alice in Wonderland Style.
26. Make tie-dye.
27. Layout and paint a group painting.
28. Make a homemade pizza depicting a favorite painting.
29. Make a scrapbook for a friend's birthday.
30. Make homemade ice cream.
31. Play Monopoly until the game ends, not due to forfeit.
32. Prank call old friends.
33. Ride a ferris wheel at a fair.
34. Sleep under the stars.
35. Sit outside drinking homemade Pina Coladas and talking about life.
36. Stay up to watch the sun rise.
37. Sell art on the street.
38. See a psychic.
39. Send inspiring quotes to friends via postcard.
40. Throw a surprise party for someone.
41. Take a train.
42. Tent out in the backyard for a weekend.
43. Watch a sunrise from a roof.
44. Watch all of a series in one sitting.
45. Make a bonfire
46. Dress like Star Wars characters and wander the town.
47. Participate in a GPS treasure hunt.
48. Buy a crappy tabloid newspaper and make a collage from it’s photographs and headlines.
49. Spend all day in a library.
50. Play miniature golf.
51. Send a care package to a friend.
52. Go to Oaks Park.
53. Go thrift store trolling.
54. Film a trip.
55. Make breakfast feast for a large group.
56. Skinny dip.
57. Join a protest.
58. Plant flowers.
59. Play soccer in large group.
60. Decorate a tree’s branches with wishes.
61. Make a zine.
62. Listen to hippy music in a park loudly, and lay under the sun. 6/22
63. Go on a bike ride. 7/7
64. Have a bicycle party. (Include decorating and repairing. Then ride!)
65. Make someone a cake for no reason. 6/26

Summer school is boring.
My teacher likes me though, and is bringing me book after book.
I've read all the books she wanted us to read.
It's okay though... I forgive her.

Yesterday I made 23 cupcakes.
Today there is only 6 left.
I'll have to make more when I get some corn oil.
I'm glad everyone liked them.

Spent the last few days with John, off and on.
I could not be happier with any other human being.
5 months as of day-before-yesterday.
Today I fell asleep in his arms while he stroked my hair and kissed my head.
Did I mention that I am utterly in love with him?
Yeah, totally.

Working on a lot of art projects lately...
One large painting (40"x43")
and around 40 small paintings (3"x3")
Also one or two other minor projects being finished up, as they dry.

Sometimes I feel sad for no reason.
It's not a very good feeling.
At least I have John around sometimes to try and kind of make it better.

Being sick sucks balls.
I'm so bored....

Pancake Haiku

I LOVE MY PANCAKES
ESPECIALLY IN NIGHTTIME
THEY TASTE SO MUCH BETTER

I MADE THEM MYSELF
JUST ME AND MY SMALL GRIDDLE
WE ARE A NICE TEAM

THEY AREN'T ANYTHING FANCY
JUST THE MIX AND THE WATER
THEY TASTE LIKE HEAVEN

HAVING SUCH GOOD FUN
MAKING DELISHIOUS PANCAKES
I EVEN SHARED SOME

SUCH FLUFFY GOODNESS
THEY TASTE BEST WITH SOME SYRUP
AND A GLASS OF MILK

NINE O'CLOCK AT NIGHT
WHAT TIME IS IT, BEDTIME? NO.
IT'S TIME FOR PANCAKES

Black girls with rainbow bi-hawks cause me to scream out "I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!"
Conversations across 39th and Belmont are hard to carry on, without losing your voice. But they're worth it.
When your heart says "Wear the tye-dye dress" and your mind says "You'll be cold", listen to your heart.
Excessively watching zeFrank episodes (Especaially 3-8-07) is nothing to be ashamed of.
Listening to the same band over and over is okay, as long as they're awesome.
Don't shave your pudenda, it itches.
Anything is fun as long as someone you love is with you.
You don't have to like someone for them to be your friend.
Brushing your teeth 4 times in a row does actually make them whiter. And nicer feeling.
Smoking makes my teeth yellow, my breath stink, my clothes stink, my hair stink, makes my wallet lighter, and makes my breath capasity smaller.
Smoking weed makes me sleepy, and dispondant.
Drinking alcohol makes me gag.
Sharpies are awesome.

What Happened Yesterday:

I left school at 11:30, with a note excusing me from class. I went to P-Crest, and sat with Connor, Jackson, Malia, and John at LP. And we smoked some weed. Then that group went to Connor's house, and smoked some more weed. Then Malia left, and all the rest of us smoked a little more. Then we went back to the park, and found Emil, Marjorie, Duncan... And a shitload of other peolle whose names I DO remember, I'm just too lazy to type them all. We smoked a GIANT joint, and a regular joint, and there were a couple bongs going around. Then, at around 3, everyone started heading towards Mt. Tabor, and I started heading home for my brother's birthday dinner. I was sobered up enough, and went out to that one german restauraunt for dinner. It was pretty good.
Then I told my parents I was going to sleep over at a friends house, and instead called John. I made plans with John to go out to "the show" (I never found out who was playing.) and got on the bus. Then John calls and says that he would rather be with me than go to the show. So we meet up at the square at around 9pm. John's hungry so we go to Roccos, and talk about where we're going to sleep. A motel seemed like a good bet. It wasn't. Apparently you need some form of state identification to buy a hotel room. *shrug*
So John and I sat at a bus stop and I called Maria to see if she knew of a place we could sleep, that wasn't the vans, but she didn't answer. So we went to Connor's, slyly went into his house, and woke him up, asking if we could sleep in Felix's old bed. (Felix was a german exchange student, who asked to switch host families, for some unknown reason. I think he was just a dick.)
So we slept in Felix's bed, which was in the room next to Connor's. It was really really nice, mostly because John and I just kept randomly waking up in the middle of the night, and deciding it was a good time for fondling. It is ALWAYS a good time for fondling when your boyfriend is spooning with you, and not wearing a shirt. And falling asleep in the arms of a man you love is the greatest thing ever. Ever.

Oh, one of the best events was when John took my hand, and said he was going to spell something out on it. I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U. My heart just about exploded with all dem warm fuzzies.

In other news, my graphics tablet is up and working! Woot!

Today, I somehow managed to splash fix in my eye. It burned a whole lot, and for a minute I thought I was going to be blind! It was awesome! However, I flushed my eye out imediately, and so I'm not blind, and my eye is functioning fine. Tomorrow though, It might be stuck in one place. Haha get, it cause it's fixer? Hahaha.
The upside to that ordeal is that the reason I got fix in my eye was because I was busy fixing prints that I found in the "Trash Prints" pile in the darkroom. They're pretty great, and as soon as I think to bring them home, I'll scan them in for the world to see. It'll be great!
Raise your hand if you think video blogs are cool.
I think they're pretty great. If I had a camera, I would probably make one. I find myself wishing I had a video camera alot these days.
Maybe I could just take meaningless photographs and put them alongside my words...
That would be LIKE a video blog.
I think this whole entry would be alot better if you could actually see me saying it though. I'm so interesting when I talk, always moving my hands and wiggling my eyebrows inappropriately. I add a lot of emphasis to words when I talk, that you as a reader don't get to experience, as well.

Just a note: I wrote this like 4 hours ago. I care so little about journal entries these days...